I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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