Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
