I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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