the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
