JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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