So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
