Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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