he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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