Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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