I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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