On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
