so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
