My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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