I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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