i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize