dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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