my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
