Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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