i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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