Why does Corona taste like a burp?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize