Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
