apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She told me I should be a condom model.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
