Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
last night I used snow as a chaser
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize