i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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