She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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