I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
