I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
ttyl tear gas
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize