we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
