I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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