she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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