Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
