that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
