were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
