One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
