She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Did I show you my penis last night?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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