Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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