the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
