It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
