Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
