you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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