Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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