I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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