So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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