Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
my liver is dry heaving
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
