I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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