I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
