Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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