Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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