it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
