Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
