he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
