I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
