I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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