Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
