I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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