So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
