Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
