in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
