He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
