You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
