It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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