walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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