moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
