I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
