Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
