I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
