You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
