You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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