Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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