Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
