john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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