I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize